vacatioooon!!!

heck yeah, ppl's! i'm finally gonna have some down time. I'm going on a short term missionary trip to Hungary (Budapest) with 32 youngsters from my church (yeah, missionary trips are what I consider 'down time'!). I just started packing... no, that's a lie! I haven't started packing yet and it's 02.30am! We gotta assemble at 0745 hours.

But don't let this distract you!
PLEASE POST YOUR OPINION IN THE DEBATE ABOUT BUSH in the previous post ("war")! I'll check in from time to time depending on the frequency of my visits to an internet café.

Love and circumstance-despiting-joy!

war

You know how you can know things and at other times really realise the same fact in a way that engages your mind AND feelings?
Well I just had that experience when I happened to come by an American lady's website where she was freaking out because her husband's stationed out in Iraq. Her husband is at war! 'War' to me has always been something that happened 60 years ago (WW2) or something in some remote corner of our globe, but to this lady and many other people RIGHT HERE IN THE WEST 'war' is an issue that touches their daily lives! It might as well be my dad or brother that's fighting a rebel enemy because men in suits and big offices have prideful problems relating to other men in big suits. I never thought I'd become one to say it (never really 'cared' about war because it was so distant), but peace is in the best interest of your people, Bush and all other heads-of-state!

To stir up a discussion though, if you were chilling with George W. Bush Jr. in privacy and you asked him why he decided to go to war, would he say that it's for his people: "Striking the 'enemy' while they're still overseas and away from the women and children is a preventative action for the safety of the homeland and the peace therein. And yes, I do want the oil because America as we know it cannot function without oil."

I know this might provoke many, but I wanna get this sorted out in my head. I mean is it possible that Bush isn't as corrupt as the general opinion says he is? There should be a lot of angles and factors in this, but please, go ahead and convince me!

Debate in the comments section please!

recommendation

I was just reading back over my posts so far, and I just wanted to recommend this book I'm reading. It relates to the post entitled "men".. -well really, it's not one of those about relationships (although they aren't bad! (read "the five love languages" if you ever get the chance.. life changer, that'un!) but it's about life as a christian and how to cope with one's longing to be perfect. We aren't, we all know, but we're all striving to be (aren't we?) but how to? I know I've tried for years and years but I can't. The answer's in the Bible, but this book provides a great understanding.

I won't try to rehash what the book says cos I really cannot, but do yourself a favour (this would be the equivalent of doing yourself the favour of saving your own life) and read it if you're ever near it. If you have to buy it, buy it! If you finish it and deem it unworthy of your time, energy and money, I'll refund your spent money, okay?! It's: "Inside Out" by Dr. Larry Crab. I haven't found where to order it online yet but when I do I'll post the link for ya's..

"Love, love, love, love, love... love, makes the world go 'round."
-Powerpuff Girls

me v.1.2

I sat down at the computer and had something really deep and meaningful to write, but it got away.. now the comp's just serving as a procrastination device. I should prepare, prepare, write music but I'm just not in the mood!

Had the funnest walk with my older sis today.. in the heart of little ol' Denmark (yes, Randers IS the heart of Dk!) we were walking through the drizzle going off in loud, loud, loud singlish (singaporean english accent), discussing the meaning of life in a very unserious manner.

ALRIGHT, CONSCIENCE!!! I'LL GO DO WHAT I SHOULD, NOW GET OFF MY BACK! *sigh* I'm a haunted man...

men

What is it with us men? No, let me rephrase: What is it with us boys? I just received a letter from a girl who was desperate to know how we allow ourselves to view women like prey. How we can be so heartless to let our relations to women become a game; a competition. Cliché? Perhaps. True? YES!

We are in desperate need of men who will be examples! Men who will go before us in purity, confidence in God, men who will set a new standard in our relations to and views of women. Men of honour who will put us to shame in our unGodly ways! Men after the heart of God.

Will I resolve to be a man of honour? Dare I resolve to be a man of honour? You know, I resolve to become one. I don't trust myself to be able to change, but I do trust God in me...

"My God, I trust You and I believe in Your power. I believe that You are able to change me. You know I've tried to become a better man but I just can't do it! I've tried for years and years, but my strength is worn out. I depend on You as I long for the perfect."

credit

Okay, I guess I should acknowledge and kinda get my feet to the ground. =)

San, thanx for commenting! I fully know what you mean about "Love actually"! Fantastic film.. About the appreciation thing, I know.. I know.. without exposing other ppl on this blog, isn't this what 'being in love' is quite often about? I mean, if you wanna make someone like you what better way than to appreciate them in a way that is natural for them (their 'love language')? Don't we all pretty much want to be appreciated properly and have our good attributes recognized to the full and our bad ones accepted? Hmm.. I know it's what I want.

'Fan'. [smile] thanx.. -for recognising me.

Love,
_ivan

Your personal rights - my lesson to me

[ascends to broadcast depth] Hello, World! Tonight's moral lesson to myself is to be on the subject of rights. How often have we not thought and heard in christian contexts conversations, writings and prayers that give away the perspective of a natural inheritance of personal, spiritual non-spiritual rights.

This natural? -normal? Probably is, but does that excuse it? Absolutely not! "Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world..." Too often I live by the standards of the world and not the standards of holiness that are the least I could do.

"But I have the right to feel good, to smoke, to flirt, to drink, to pleasure and comfort! Surely a loving God wouldn't take that from me!"

Perspective, is my thought. Theoretically (and yes theory is okay 'cos God does follow His own rules), I forfeited my rights by not being holy. Harsh? Yes, but if God bent His own rules He wouldn't be just and if God ceased to be just, the entire basis of the world (right vs. wrong etc etc etc) would resign to complete and utter chaos. So don't appeal for ungodly mercy, Ivan. God is able to be merciful because of blood. Lots and lots of pain and blood. But back to the rights...

I forfeited my rights in that my being today is entirely dependent on His Mercy and how can a man who is justly living on someone else's mercy ever make demands about rights?! This is a great misunderstanding amongst the christians in the West today! We have accepted and conformed to a perspective of this world, forgetting who we are and taking the Eternal Grace and Mercy for granted. I must resolve to forgetting all I thought I knew about rights and shift to a perspective where I give thanks for everything.

Hmm... enuff for today heh?! =P You must understand that I treat this as my thought diary and that I - from this day on - will stop making excuses for that!

Feel free to respond (scold/slap/AFFIRM) to me either in "comments" or you could send me an e-mail.

Sickness in the world.. /throat/head/nose/spine.etc.

Sickness makes the world look different. I'm semi-sick and if anything can drag you down... argh! lack of energy! I just slept all morning after sleeping all night! -after sleeping all evening! Well, I was awake for 12 hours before that, but that shouldn't hurt should it now?! "Ladies and gentlemen..."

hehe... I like this blog-thing! Yet another 'audience' to which I can express all those loose thoughts. It's good for unloading/venting!

"Love - or not to be" as aforementioned, and o, does it ever ring true! Can one truly live if one does not truly love? Love is the flesh and skin on the bare skeleton, the colours in the cold sea and the taste in the food. Without it, the world and us would exist without all that there is to live for. Therefore, let us love and not hate, living for, because of and to love!

attention, worth and love

i've got a profile on an online dating-site. there, i said it! [smile] but what does that say about me? that i'm too desperate? is it a 'low' way of meeting ppl? well, i really don't think so. first of all: i'm not desperate. i broke up with my first real girlfriend just a month ago, mostly because i wasn't 'ready' to invest in a relationship. secondly: it really is just a way of meeting new ppl! -something i absolutely LOVE doing!

but in all this, a question's eating my toes. "what do I want from a girlfriend?" and i found out that i really just have a huge need for appreciation. i've had a couple of friends that've really, really listened when i've gone off on my try-hard-philosophical rantings and ravings. -and they've gotten to know me like none of my other friends. coincidencially, these particular friends have been girls, and i've ended up confiding alot to them. it's created a sort of intimacy! why? well, just because these are ppl that invest in me. they invest time and energy, listening and commenting wisely. this makes me open right up, cos i'm just waiting for ppl who'll listen, partly because i'm confidant that they recognize my philosophical ingenuity. [i do have my streaks - i think... hehe]

after a couple of middle stopping stations for the train of thought, i've concluded that appreciation - being an indirect love language - is a basic need for me. i need someone who'll take the time to listen to me express myself, and i'm confidant that others need this too, so i try to fulfill that need in others too.

oh my, why am I writing all this?! should erase it all, but now i've already written it so it'd be a waste... though it is a waste anyhow. [laughs at himself]

not hard to sense that it's late, huh?!

by the way (or not), I've decided to dare to dream! dare to hope! -for the vision that God has inspired for me. I wanna play music. Music = feelings. I'm passionate about making people experience with their entire being, and I wanna give people an opportunity to EXPERIENCE the love, acceptance, forgiveness and so much else that i've experienced. i just KNOW that it's right. that Jesus is right! it makes too much sense, plus my heart of hearts is convinced, trusting and hopeful.

for now: goodnight, people of the world! love is around you, just waiting. -hurting in the meantime...
---for thought---
"Love - or not to be." -F.K.Jensen alias "Hit_Filip"

tomb raider 2: the moral [!!!]

just finished watching tomb raider 2 and yes, I actually learned something from that movie! [funny, isn't it?!] men. we are weak, but we are meant to be strong. why are women always the strong ones? i'm serious! [not just sucking up.. hehe] we are usually the weak ones, but i want to be strong. i want to be a man of honour. hmm.. yeah, that's a nice thought... me - a man of honour. i'd like that..

identity anti-crisis : 2

[continuation] the morning after: rest. rest from the eternal quest for personal perfection. only in retrospect do I see the foolishness, for I cannot become perfect in my own strength because I ain't strong enough! so, "rest". to rest in the arms of the strongest. rest, knowing that I am accepted and that I don't have to do do do, merely be.

" The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever."

_psalm 23

identity anti-crisis

"blessings come from above." we've all heard it said and now I find that identity is a severe blessing. i like it. who am i? why am i who i am? the truth is that i've found that to find out who i am, i must find out who He is. for my identity is not determined as much by me as by Him. amazingly liberating! i am because He has made me to be. not because i've worked to become, but because He is...